E

Alternative Ending

Those were the years we were madly in love with each other. Those were the years when we are young, unconscious of the things we do, contented with what we have, and happy with what we make. Those were the years we were troubled but never torn apart, rattled but never left each other out, and disappointed but never thought of parting ways.

I always believe that love forms a box that changes us from who we are before to what we will become, together. This box, although limiting, although cages us to the things we can do, is the same box that blankets us with amazing fire of love and shelters us from the whirlwind of devastation. It is the same box I never wanted to go out with.

The problem is not with the box. The problem is in the box. You are a non-settling individual. I hate conventions (and the box is not about conventions, it is about limitations). You don’t want to be caged because you thought you could love more. I thought that was bullshit. You thought I was right.

We agreed to continue this relationship outside the box.

The thing with living outside the box is that it is open to all possibilities. Nothing seems so impossible with this borderless world. You have your freedom and I have my fears. You translated my fears to reality and wanted to let go of me. Oh no, you wanted me to let you go.

I did.

Even if it hurts me. Even if I am not used to seeing you with someone else.

Because I love you and love is all about making sacrifices for the happiness of someone so important to you. What’s my pain if it makes you happy? People called me crazy. I prefer to be called sacrificial. I never bothered you again because I want you to embrace your freedom and I want you to live your life well.

If I had another chance to end this love story with you, I would want to end it without bitterness or pain or sacrifices. I want to end this with only clear intentions on mind, with real thoughts of wanting US—not only you or me, but the two of us, to be happy.

We reconciled the misunderstandings we had for the past two years. We said goodbye, held each other's hands for the last time, there were tears and smiles.

We openly accepted the fact that our togetherness brought nothing but hard times. Our relationship failed in almost every aspect because we desperately tried to make each other the “right fit” when we barely have similarities.

We have accepted the idea of going beyond the box that we made. There were so many possibilities this like could bring, and that our separation would open up more windows, even doors of opportunities in love and in life.

For the last time, we hugged each other, crying but with smiles, freely letting each other go.

But that was the ending we never had.

D

Another Dimension

(Writer's note: Forgive me if I have to repeat a letter in the alphabet. I just felt like I need to publish this as this includes another dimension of me and my [failed] love stories. I might be dumped so many times, but I was also happy at some point. This part of my story is a part where I'm starting to rebuild my life, the same way this guy did. This is an actual letter I never sent to the guy I'm in love with. But nothing's too late. And nothing's too soon.)

D, 

I know you've been hurt, so many times, and I know you’re afraid to love again because you think you’ll only get devastated.

The truth is, I've been through the same stories, D. I’ve loved someone so much, never left anything for myself, and when that someone left, all I felt was a deep hatred—to him, to me, to the world. I’ve been a total wreck and that has wounded my entirety. I felt I would never be the same again. But then again, I have to get up, pull my shits together, start anew, and fall in love again.

Because love is a cycle, D. The famous John Green even reminded us that we “don’t get choose to get hurt in this world, but we do have some say in who hurts us.” Love is a cycle, D. It is a never-ending process of happiness and pain, of victory and defeat, of love and loss.

I am not here to mend your broken heart—it will heal in its own way, in its own time. I am not here to promise you an “all-happy” relationship—because love is a cycle and we are part of it. I am here to offer a brand new kind of story—a story grounded by reality, bound by truth, and filled with many little stories we will share together.

We were both scarred in different ways, by different people, in totally different times, and our scars show how deeply we loved, how fully we gave, and how completely we surrendered. We will always be scarred again, maybe by each other, but I promise to leave a mark not the way the others did.

Here’s to many more stories we will weave, together.

V.