You're the jerkest jerk I have ever known in my life.
Four years ago, you've said your goodbye to our long relationship. You said I was "too perfect" for you and that you could never be any better than me and that you might just be loving me because of what I think and not because of who I am. I cannot understand why it took us that long for you to realize these things, but all I know is that your ego was too big to understand that relationships are not the same as competitions. This is not a quiz bee where you need to be smarter than me.
You said your goodbye, and because I've always wanted happiness for the people I love (even if it would cost me my own happiness), I accepted it. I cried for few months and moved on with my life because it was over.
I learned how to turn my pain into something beautiful by extracting the lessons from those memories, and by magnifying what went right. For a while, I was able to mingle with the world once again, and took roads that don't lead to love. I was trying to rechannel all my emotions to the things I do, and to the people who are currently staying in my life.
And then you came back, apologizing for leaving me, saying sorry for not being with me in the times I needed you the most. You said you regret all those times you've became like your father, the person you never wanted to become. You were crying, over the phone, asking for another chance, another shot at being us.
I'm the dumbest dumb I have ever known in my life.
I've accepted you and your apologies. No second thoughts. That's how I loved you. I was ready to sacrifice all those beautiful things to help you rebuild your self. I was there to help you, every single day. You know why? Because you needed me.
And then we're good again. You've redeemed your self and became the same guy I first knew, even better. I was so happy that you're okay and that you may have been lost, but you found your way back, and that's going back to me.
Then again, those were pure drama. Pure lie.
I rebuilt you to break my heart, again. This time, leaving without even saying goodbye. No replies to text messages, to emails, to calls, to any medium possible. You even deactivated your Facebook account.
All I needed was a closure. A goodbye.
Goodbyes give us assurance - one chapter is closed and another, in time, will open. The lack of it makes us wait and believe that the story with the same person will continue. I waited for that closure, F. I waited too long.
But you never did. And I decided I'm not holding on anymore.
Fuck the world with no goodbyes.
